she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
