Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
