I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
