Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
