Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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