"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
