He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
