i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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