maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
