i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
