Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
