So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
