Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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