we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
