Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
