you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
