quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
