dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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