your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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