You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
