also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
