The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
