It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
