it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
