Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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