I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
