My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
