Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
