Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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