Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
