Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
