apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
