Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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