fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize