Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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