I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
