with your own penis?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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