you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
