so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
