Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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