Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
