This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pants are for mortals
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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