I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
