sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to jail i love you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
