So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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