drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have aggressive nipples.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
