i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
