I just pynch a tree in the face
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
