I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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