Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
