I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
