he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
