you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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