...so i touched it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
